Aquarium Coffee Table

I have had an interesting past 24 hrs, and I finally have a bit of sanity back in my head, well enough to write this meaningless blog at least. Late last night during one of my cleaning parades, I decided to put good use to my wonderful investment: the aquarium coffee table. For those who dont know what these are, it is simply-but beautifuly- a large aquarium with a glass top and a wooden base that is used as a coffee table. It is about 20 Gallons and has fluorescent lights and beautiful stones that rest on it's ocean-floor ;) So I fill the bad boy up with water which takes about 30 minutes, 20 to fill it up and 10 to clean up the water I dropped while carrying the bucket to the tank(why not carry the tank to the fountain you ask: cuz it would be too damn heavy! dont question me on my blog). After filling it up I decide to go shopping for fish. Now understand I am in a country where very few people speak English, and those who do know about 80 english nouns and thats it, and unfortunately, aquarium is not one of them. So to describe to them that I want to buy fish, I move my hand in a wacw like you do when you put it out of the window of a moving car. Long story short, I end up in the deli section of a giant super market staring down at an assortment of poultry, meats, and....fish. I give up and head back to base, upon opening the door I am welcome with "squooosh, sqoooosh". My shoes are now soaking wet and Im walking in a puddle of before-aquarium water. The aquarium glass shattered and sent water all throughout my apartment and my tile flooring, huge puddles are soaking wooden furniture, bags of food, my bed, clothes, ect. The puddle is only made larger by the fact that I do NOT have towels or mops or anything that would be ready for an aquarium-spill. So Im quickly ripping off clothes from the hangers and sheets from my bed to control the tsunami, it looked like an episode of I Love Lucy and I couldnt help but think about the day that one day this will all be funny.

So after things start drying and a few hrs of soaking shirts and draining them, I realize that the wetness of everythign will certainly allow for bugs to come in..maybe even the common Thai cockroach. So I run off to the store, which again has nothing in english.....except oreos. I am in the hunt for insect bait, and some insect spray. I have trouble finding it but come across both and head back to install them so I am bug ready. I plug in the insense to deter bugs then I pop open the bait. It is bigger than I would have thought, but I figured it would just last longer. So I follow the picture instructions and throw the large manual(written in Thai) in the garbage. There are three pictures: 1-open, 2-fill with water, 3-put behind fridge. I mastermind the images and the container is behind the fridge in no time. I go take a breather in the shower and wash myself off and realize I may finally be able to relax...wrong! I come out of the shower to what looks like a fire, I can barely see in front of me and I can feel my lunges giving way immediately. I grab a shirt and run out into the hallway of the building coughing and having no idea what is going on..thinking I just fled a fire it hits me: it wasnt bug bait, it was a fumagator.